Morning chit chat

This morning, Stacey had gone to the gym so I was alone in bed with both kids. The conversation went like this...

Ben: Mom, you're supposed to talk to me
Me: Ok, what's your favorite color?
Ben: I'm not really sure.
Chloe: I think it's gray because you love elephants.
Silence for a while...
Ben: My favorite color is blue, mom.

I love the emergence of the thought process in my kids.

Cookies in heaven

Tonight, Chloe asked if she could have a cookie after dinner. When informed that we don't have any, she replied, "there are cookies in heaven mom." I countered with, "do you want me to send you there?" "no mom, giggle"

I put in Wall-E for the kids (so I can blog, right? ha ha) and as the Disney intro ran, Chloe informed Ben that when he is bigger we are going there. I've been telling her for two years that we can't go until Ben is older and that is why her friends have gone and she has not.

It's not a dog! Our weekend fun...

Friday night we headed to family fun night at our church. They have a new building with an indoor play area to rival any I've ever seen. The kids can climb and play while us adults take a break and chat.

Saturday morning we got up and headed to the zoo. It was a cool overcast day and we hit the zoo early to avoid crowds. Plus, most "extras" are free for the first hour and while we are members (which means we get a certain number of passes) it's nice to save them. We went into the children's zoo first and the kids decided to pay in the fountains. This would be great except mom and dad forgot a spare set of clothes. Benjamin was fine rocking his diaper but poor Chloe had to deal with us wringing out her shirt. Luckily it warmed up and the sun came out so she was fine but it was for sure a no go on the penguin exhibit (where they keep it about 50f). Other parent's tried to shoo their kids out while mine jumped around like wild monkeys but that was mostly to no avail. In the end about 10 kids plus mine were splashing around and laughing.

Afterwards, we decided to look into adopting a pet. Our beloved cat, Fat Joe, had to be put to sleep last month and we've all been missing having a furry friend around. We decided to visit the City Shelter first but their list of requirements was so long (see a counselor, waiting period, get a money order) that we nixed that idea. We stopped by PetSmart knowing they have shelter pets there and sure enough there was a no kill shelter with several animals for adoption. Stacey let Chloe choose and thankfully she immediately went to the cats. Dogs are fine and good but honestly I'm a cat person and they're just too much work with two small children to manage.

There was a litter of four kittens, domestic long haired cats. They were all boys and two were orange and two were white. I really loved one of the orange cats but Chloe chose the two white kitties (even after a bit of begging from mom). We've named them Chuy (original name Huey but we like Chuy better) and Crooked (he's a bit cross-eyed). They were skittish at first but quickly warmed up. They love to sit with Chloe while she pets them and Benjamin squeals with laughter when they roll around and play. It's been a long time since I've had a kitten and they are a lot of fun.

Sunday we headed to church then back home to lounge around. I roasted a turkey breast on Saturday and we've been having various turkey meals (turkey nachos=WIN). Overall, a nice weekend!

Working weekend and bragging about the hubby

This past weekend was my first working weekend. It was the first time I've worked a weekend in about 10 years and definately the first weekend I've worked since having kids. Not only did I work, but I worked 6am-6pm both days. Needless to say, it was a long weekend.
Stacey stayed home with the kids and I admit I was a little nervous. Not because he can't care for the kids but because there were so many factors in play (long workday, Benjamin is still young, he's tired from working all week, etc).

Not only did they do fine, they did great! He took the kids on Saturday to Monkey Joe's (giant room of bounce houses) and they had a blast. Benjamin took a nap without issue and Stacey said he really didn't even cry. He was happy to see me when I got home (Benjamin) but not overly clingy or fussy. Sunday they hung around the house and Stacey got all the laundry done and the house was cleaned up.

You want to know the best part? He didn't complain! There were no calls to me at work with him stressed, he didn't complain about the long days, the getting up early and he didn't tell me how tired he was when I got home or anything. I'm so pleasantly surprised by this I'm giddy.
I think chloe had a harder time with me being gone. She really didn't want me to go to work this morning and actually cried when I dropped her off. It broke my heart. I'm off tomorrow and am planning to do something just me and her.

A Much (MUCH) Overdue Update

These last few weeks have been a whirl, but I have missed my online buddies.

Ok, here's the not so quick and dirty

I was offered the job at AB and accepted. I put in my two weeks notice with a very congratulatory boss and sad co workers. The Monday of Thanksgiving week, I started off fine, but by the end of the workday felt at though I was on death's door. I had the same bronchitis that kept me up with my son for the previous two weeks. I don't think I've felt that bad in quite some time. My joints ached and I was exhausted. Luckily, my husband picked up a lot of the slack at home and I pretty much went straight from home to bed for the next couple of days.

Wednesday night Chloe burned her chin on a hot pizza pan and is alright but still has a mark. I'm slathering her with Mederma and praying it doesn't scar.

Thanksgiving was the icing on the cake. I was tired from being sick but still wanted to do all the cooking I had planned. I was way behind on laundry but managed to get a meal on the table just in time for Benjamin to decide to have a scream fest. We muddled through the rest of the day until I finally got him to bed. I went to heat up a plate for myself and right then the microwave died. Yes, dead, deceased and no more. Other than my cold plate of food, I'm not too upset and we haven't replaced it.

The next week was a blur as I cleaned out my desk (8 boxes!), finished up work, tried to instill the knowledge I had amassed in eight years to my co-workers, and said my goodbyes. It was very bitter sweet. The company threw me a nice going away party and my department coworkers took me to lunch.

I started my new job on December 8, the same day AB made the announcement to cut 1400 jobs and 415 contractor positions (which I am). Women were sobbing in the bathroom and everyone looked as though they'd been hit by a truck. What a first day. We find out on Monday who stays and who goes and I won't know anything until then. If I am let go, I'll get two weeks severance pay which isn't bad for only being on the job one week.

Honestly, if I am let go, I'm not sure what I'll do. I *think* I could get my old job back (although I hear they're on a hiring freeze) but am not sure if that's what I really want. I'd have a couple weeks extra pay and it's almost tax time so maybe it would be the kick out the door on the way to The Plan. At this point, I'm just surviving until Monday. I'll keep you posted.

On the happy news front, Stacey's company is having a Christmas party tomorrow night and they've bought us hotel rooms. The kids are going to stay with Christine. This is the first night we've ever been without the kids. There will be food, free booze and dancing. I'm fairly excited. I think I'll be taking a nap tomorrow afternoon. lol

The kids are doing well. Benjamin is climbing everything and doing a lot of toddler talk. He and Chloe are playing really well together and she seems to enjoy having someone who can keep up with her now. He's fun to watch b/c his play is more methodical. I can see him really having a good time with blocks and building sets.

Next month we're hoping to get Chloe back into preschool part time. She's doing well but I think she'd be happier playing with other kids a couple days a week. Of course, if I start staying home that won't happen, but again it's a wait and see world for me.

Oh, and my nipples have gone crazy. First my right side cracked open and was bleeding/hurting so bad during feedings I could hardly stand it. I finally got that under control after two weeks and my left side did the same thing. I caught it much earlier so it's not so bad but pumping has been terrible. I've gone through two tubes on lanolin. Thank God for that stuff.

A rough morning turns out well

The end of daylight savings has done a number on my house. Kids don't understand time changes so they're up at 5am because it feels like 6. So everyone is tired and starting to wear down and get crabby. Chloe does not do well without enough sleep and even though I put her to bed at 7pm last night, she's still pretty worn out. Stacey had an overnight install so he's out of town as well. All of this adds up to a not so pleasant morning in the Hickman house.

Chloe and I went round and round over cereal, clothes, slamming her brother's fingers in the closet door (an accident and he's fine but I warned her about messing with them) and basically anything else you can think of. There was screaming, more than one tantrum, and both kids were crying a few times. These kind of mornings make me wonder if I really want to quit my job. Ha!

Somehow we managed to pull through and actually left each other on a good note. I fixed Chloe's hair so I could take pictures of bows my friend Jessica made (see her Etsy store, it's good stuff!). She started off grumpy but when I showed her how the picture looked, I think she got it (I swear the kid is wise beyond her years) and perked up so we could take some nice pictures.

All's well that ends well. Now I just need to muster some energy to get through this weekend. I think the guest list for Chloe's party is now up to 27.

Halloween and Chloe's party

We're getting a double dose of Halloween this year. Of course the main holiday is this Friday, but Chloe has decided to have a Halloween themed party this year as well. Her birthday is 11/8 so the timing is great, it's easy to decorate for, it's not some annoying character plus it lets all the kids wear their costumes again (except for Pat who says he's not dressing up lol).

Chloe will once again be a monkey (her idea, not her cheap mom's) and Stacey is renting a gorilla costume. He's such a case but he's all excited so why not. He also spent yesterday afternoon decorating for Halloween. Our exposed brick walls were the perfect backdrop for that fake spiderweb stuff and he'll be pulling out the black lights later this week.

I still cannot find Benjamin's dinosaur costume but my friend Caroline made him some awesome fall color wool longies so he'll be sporting those with a fun shirt. He can't have candy but I'll be happy to help him trick o treat for mommy. muwahahahaha!

I feel so frustrated today

When Chloe was born, I couldn't have imagined quitting my job. I like my job and she was such a demanding infant (or maybe it was just that I had no idea what being a mom was really like). I needed work to get away and not feel so needed.

Now that she's almost 4 and we have Benjamin, I ache to be home with them. Last night I was helping Chloe make a Birth Day card for our friend's new baby (her idea, isn't that awesome?). I printed some tracing letters and put them on the card so she could practice writing her name. She was having trouble and got frustrated.

I get it. I too get frustrated when I hit a challenge. I think so many things came easy to me in the learning world that I tend to shut down when I face something I cannot immediately master. I tried to help her and we did make progress, but I wish I could be home. I feel like I could use my experience to help her work past it and learn how to push through challenges.

I know I still can but evenings and weekends are a blur of cooking, cleaning and trying to have quality time with the family. I just feel like I'm not doing the work God intended me to do. I know I have a greater purpose and I'm so close to getting there. I know it's not time yet so I pray for patience.

Until then, I have to figure out how to make those limited hours more meaningful.

I try to remember that one day, when I'm home with my kids full time, I'll miss work. I'll miss being here and being needed by adults. I suppose the grass really is greener.

Lots of plans for the weekend

On Saturday our nanny, Jessica, will be doing roller derby so we'll swing by and catch some of that. I was hoping to have Chloe's new skull and crossbones hair bows but it doesn't look like they'll be here in time.

Arch Rival Roller Girls

On Sunday we're going to see Ralph Covert of Ralph's World fame perform at Blueberry Hill. I'm really excited and hoping we can meet him and get pictures.

Ralph's World

Otherwise, I'm pretty wiped out. Chloe was having some sleep issues during the early part of the week and now that they're lined out, Benjamin is having sleep issues from teething. His amber necklace broke but I managed to get it back together. One whole day without it really made a big difference. Benjamin doesn't fuss much so when he does you know he means business.

Kids look bigger in fall clothes

Well, fall is coming and that means it's time to get out the warmer clothes. Chloe spent the summer in underpants, shorts and t-shirts, and sundresses. Benjamin spent most of the summer in his diaper.

I was excited to get Chloe's things out because I had been collecting from clearance racks, friends, and garage sales for two years now. Seeing these clothes again was fun.

Now that the kids are in them, they look, well too old. Much older than being on the verge of 1 and 4. The jeans look impossibly long for Chloe but fit her perfectly. And clothes on Benjamin make him look like a boy and not my sweet little baby.

And while I hear Chloe talking non-stop, I almost missed Benjamin's words: hi, bye, ball, dad. He talks in gurgles, grunts, and this funny bubble type voice.

As much as I love watching my kids grow up, expand their minds and face new challenges, seeing them get older before I'm ready breaks my heart a little.

Overheard in the Hickman house

Chloe looking at herself in the mirror (our closet doors are mirrors) "why you look fancy today Chloe!"

Chloe and Daddy

Chloe: What are those
Daddy: My balls
Chloe: Can I touch them?
Daddy: No

Chloe to me: You need to kiss Daddy because you're falling in love, remember?

from my husband: what does having your period have to do with fertility (in a convo about the third daughter we are to have...)

Yea for hot water

The new part came, it works and we have hot water. Too bad this week has worn me out so much I can barely think about the dishes that have been sitting all week. Not the mention the countless McD meals we've eaten trying to avoid dishes. This family will be loading up on fruits and veggies stat!

I had a great night with the kids. We hit Babies R Us where I rocked the sling and got lots of questions about it (take that, over priced strollers!) for some baby/eco friendly diapers then off to Costco for some much needed groceries.

Chloe is such a cool kid. She's funny and kind, smart and resourceful, clever and witty. She is in love with babies and would shout "Hey, can I touch your baby!" at anyone who passed by with an infant. I guess babies, like toys, are more fun when they are not yours. That's not to say she doesn't love Benjamin b/c she's such a great big sister.

I really need to pray more often for patience. A little extra effort on my part really brings out the best in my daughter, and myself.

You can get yourself clean, you can have a good meal

Well, you can at least do the first part at our local YMCA. Our water heater went out Saturday night I'm guessing but we didn't notice until Sunday. After some Internet research, I found the part that needed to be replaced and headed to Lowe's. Well, that was a no go so I waited until Monday and called the company who manufactured said water heater.

Well, we apparently need a part from them which they are sending free of charge. However, Monday was Labor Day so it didn't' ship until Tuesday meaning well have it today. Yes, about 5 days later.

Luckily, I managed to snag the last of the hot water bathing on Sunday but by Tuesday, I was funky. My options at that point were 1) take cold shower; not easy with infant who I frequently bathe with 2) drive to friend's house but they all live at least 25 minutes away and have their own family chaos to deal with 3) drive to YMCA and shower there like homeless family.

Actually, our YMCA has a really nice family bathroom where I can lock us all in, wash myself, wash kids and it's setup that he whole room can get wet and it's no big deal. It even has a nice changing table where I put our dry clothes, towels, etc

So, there you have it. We're clean and we don't smell.

My dream...

I want to home school my kids. I want to quit working and stay home with them. The more preschool I do with Chloe, the more I want to do. I think I could do it. I think I would excel at it. I think it would make our family stronger and alleviate the stress I have over the children's education. It would also make us a more portable family unit.

The issue? Money. While Stacey is the primary breadwinner, I'm not far behind. Pair that will our comfy lifestyle and there you go. We have a mortgage and two new cars on lease.

I am hoping that our house sells (it's back on the market), we can find a nice place with reasonable rent and ditch one of the cars when the leases come up (2010 sadly). That or win the lottery. I'd take either. Of course that would mean I'd have to play and I'm too cheap for that. I have worked to cut out extra spending. We no longer have satellite TV and while we now have YMCA membership, I did ditch my gym membership and the Y would fit into my home school curriculum. I try and keep us spending reasonably, but the big three really get us.

Until that day comes, and I feel that it will, I will continue to home school Chloe and enjoy the time I do spend with my family. I used to enjoy working and while I like my job, the appeal of being home becomes greater and greater each day. I've been formulating various scenarios (aka plots) in my head.

All I can do is all I can do...

So my friend and I have made a pact of sorts to try and do better for ourselves and our marriages. It's nice to know I'm not alone in how I feel. It somehow makes it easier to try. Seeing my pain reflected in someone else makes me that much more resolved to get past it.

On vacation

We're on day 7 of family vacation and day 3 at my family's house. We're all pretty tired, especially the kids, but things are going well. The pool has been a savior and thankgoodness it's heated, especially with the lack of sunny weather.

We did make it to the City Museum and the Zoo. The City M was great but I think Chloe was a bit too tired by Zoo day. A puffin did try to escape with my husband and that was pretty entertaining.

It looks like January will be coming back to St Louis with us on Sunday.

I'll put up some City M and Zoo pics next week, but here are some from the Lake.

Priorities for my upcoming vacation

I'm pretty stoked. We're going to the Lake next Wednesday, but will be doing some fun things here in St Louis before then. The things include:

St Louis Zoo - free and the super awesome Dinosaurus exhibit is free if you get there between 8-9am. This is one time it's nice that our kids get us up before 6am

City Museum - pricey but so worth it. I really want to try the three story slide this time. At the City M, Chloe is 2 (mum's the word)

Grant's Farm - where else can you ride a tram, pet a goat, and get free AB beers? It's free but parking is $10 (they're pretty slick, huh?)

Otherwise, I'd really just like to have a nice relaxing week. I also want to make it a point to take lots of pictures of the kids.

Jessica, our new nanny will be moving in over the weekend and it will be nice to have some new energy in the house. We will miss Rebekah though.

I'm also picking up the huge meat order we're buying with part of the insurance money (Stacey has his equipment bag stolen on the road). I'm just hoping a half hog and hind quarter of beef fit in my deep freeze.

Otherwise, BBQ anyone?